these days have been the worst of my life
my depression finally hit a peak level and i cause myself
to hurt him and me inside burning so painfully
is amazing how one could have the ability to destroy the things one love the most.

maybe i should stop popping those pills
it doesnt help at all!
yesterday. i've been contridicting myself and him cause him to
breakdown too. on one hand, i thought he gave up on me but i know
he had a hard time struggling to suppress the pressure i've been pressing on him
but to me, i did nothing. i was heaving too much trying to catch my breath.
the pills make me sick, vomitting, coughing, unable to breath, no appetite,
and very very unhappy.
and i believe i could happily smash the mirror in front of me.
after numerous emotional attacks we flung at each other. the break up thing was in my head. but such a foolish thought. till...
the ultimate resolve it all..
i wonder , how could i have been so angry upset and abusive to him.
i was sorry. i still am.
so sorry to hurt the one i love the most
the one i need the most.
is the stupidest thing i ever done especially when he's all i care.

i know i hung "sorry" on my lips a thousand times.
but this time is not this word anymore.
but just "thank you, you are still there"